July 23, 2021 Day 12

Not much to report today, other than I cheated. Again. This time worse than before, but still NO sugar and NO alcohol, no fruit or wheat/grains and I have some justification/explanation, but a cheat is a cheat and I have to hold myself accountable.

When I woke up this morning and literally didn't ever want to eat again. Lol. I just had ZERO appetite. This lasted ALL Day, which has been super common for me. I had a fairly heavy massage day ahead of me so I forced myself to eat 2 scrambled eggs. It was a stretch and I waited until the last minute before I had to leave for work to even make them and scarf them down. I knew if I didn't eat anything though, I wouldn't probably be able to give a very good massage, let alone a full day of them. By noon I still had zero appetite and decided to text Patrick. The thought of drinking anything sounds just fine to me, but the thought of eating darn near gives me lock jaw. I know he is a busy guy and I saw that he read my message within the hour of me sending it, however I think he forgot to respond. I was simply curious to know how long I could go without eating and just drinking water this weekend. I also wanted to know if he had any good drink recipes that I could try. I knew I could have plain soy milk and although I don't have any even a simple glass of soy milk sounded more appealing than any meat or vegetable. Anyway long story short - I also texted Tony and said we have to go somewhere fancy tonight for dinner because the only thing I can imagine eating is a fresh piece of halibut in butter (and probably whatever gently steamed vegetables they have). Sadly we struck out everywhere we looked between Corvallis and Salem for fresh Halibut, until we remembered Frankies and checked them as a last resort.

Frankies was less than good. They did have "fresh" halibut and so I ordered their fresh halibut tacos (planning to only eat the halibut). I got 3 tacos and I ate maybe 1/2 the meat of one taco. Not good. Tony got shoestring fries, so I had some fries again and a couple bites of his salad. So nothing major but by the time I got home I was hungry! For protein. My body wanted protein but not chicken or fish. Here is the big cheat - I had a baby belle cheese. :( NO sugar but dairy and some skinny pop. I feel a tiny bit guilty but also felt like my body needed something (mainly the cheese) and I'm a big fan of no dairy I just didn't have many other options at home for a gentle way to get some protein.

Ok. Phew. I aired that out. I still feel a little bummed about it, but my stomach feels better. I suppose I got some comfort from a friend that is going through the same treatment as well and said people do cheat some way more than others (she said her sister cheats daily and still gets great results) but that she has had too as well, especially during holiday/trips/etc. While I could see myself justifying this to cheat regularly I'm way to dedicated to allow that to happen! I also want to see what kind of results I can achieve. I know the cleaner my diet the better/faster I'll feel.